Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’s “Writing” Debut A Shore Miss

Stephanie Spearman

Author: Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi Hardcover, 304 pages Simon and Schuster $24.00

As three out of seven “Jersey Shore” cast members were awarded book deals, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi beats the craze to death with an unimaginative account of life at Seaside Heights.

Snooki’s publication debut, “A Shore Thing,” is a fictional novel describing the adventures of two cousins, Bella and Gia, as they let loose and go crazy during a summer at Seaside Heights, also known as the Jersey Shore.

Bella, a tall, attractive woman with fake breasts and angel wings tattooed to her back, is eerily similar to Jenni “J-Woww” Farley and Gia, a super short, curvy, fun-loving and crazy party-girl is a dead ringer for Snooki herself.

In the first two or three chapters, it becomes evident that Polizzi is using her book as an outlet to express her fantasy of how she wishes her life were.

On the popular TV show “Jersey Shore,” Snooki spends almost all of her time unsuccessfully searching for a man who will love and understand her crazy antics.

While Gia has similar “man-shopping” characteristics, the author uses her imagination to create men that actually want to be with her.

Though Gia’s thoughts almost always include some sort of sexual reference, the character is ultimately looking for love—those who watch the show know that this is a similar quality.

Bella, on the other hand, has just ended a six-year relationship prior to spending the month in Seaside. She tries to will herself into having meaningless “hook-ups” for the first few chapters but can’t bring herself to do it.

Though Bella constantly reminds herself that she is not looking for a relationship at the shore, she finds herself getting infatuated with a number of men that appear to be boyfriend-quality.

The strange, semi-moral feelings of Bella mirror the much less rowdy—though much more revealing—J-Woww from “Jersey Shore.”

The novel throws an unprecedented amount of underdeveloped characters at the reader, all of whom play a small part in the month-long Shore experience for the girls, and can be somewhat confusing at times.

The shallow exposition concerning characters and the ridiculous “drama” surrounding them, including an old high school friend of Gia’s that hates her for apparently no reason, is almost detrimental to a healthy intellectual diet.

Paired with unoriginal 1990s teen movie plot lines—yes, this includes a bet made between two men to sleep with one of the cousins—the superficial problems of the main characters adds nothing to the readers desire to stay involved in the book.

While Polizzi offers nothing enriching with her novel, she at least uses a very distinct, colloquial language that, under different literary circumstances, could be endearing for fans of the Jersey craze.

Another appealing aspect of the novel is that Polizzi clearly tries to poke fun at herself, purposely making Gia, who is obviously fashioned after her, say the wrong word or make a social faux pas for a quick laugh.

Snooki fans would not be disappointed if they look forward to embarrassing mistakes that are eventually shrugged off and forgotten.

In spite of the few acceptable parts of the novel, “A Shore Thing” really cannot be saved, even for “Shore” enthusiasts.

Does Bella get dragged into a sleazy bet? Are money issues a continuing Jersey drama? Do the cousins find love at the Shore?

By the end of the book, it’s really hard to still care.